Is it possible that I still have this blog?!
I haven't been here for... well ... forever. My life is so different from what it was when I started this blog. I am still very much on a fitness quest... but I am really ready for it now.
Today is March 17, 2013 and I weigh 160 pounds. I am 30 pounds away from my weight goal.
How on earth did I finally get to this point; when this has been eluding me for SO long! I finally let go of my pride and shame. A wonderful friend at work had received approval from our insurance to get a gastric bypass surgery and I had mentioned to her in passing that I was so jealous that she had embraced a solution. I'll never forget the passing moment for her ... but life changing moment to me ... when she said : "Don't be jealous. Just go do it for yourself if you want."
That option for me seemed like it was only for "really fat" people... realizing that at this point I was already 250 pounds and it was only getting worse. Who was I kidding?! I was a "really fat" person. Also, I had the thought (and sometimes this thought still creeps in) that if I had surgery...it would mean that I hadn't really done the hard work myself. I promise you ... this is still really hard work.
Today I love myself enough to work out 5-6 days a week.
I am signed up for multiple fun runs and races.
I can walk into any store in the mall and find something that fits...and might I add, sometimes looks Damn Good.
I still have some body image issues, but I can now see ways of improving the areas I still don't like...or simply learning to say that it is enough and love my self anyway.
I step on my scale each and every morning. It is simpler to fix small errors than to feel like I have to reverse a bus. And because I step on that scale each morning I have had to learn to be gentle with myself and remember that the number that shines up at me through the darkness is just that... a number. It is not unchangeable, and it is not a reflection of my worth.
So here I am again. I will keep in touch. :)
